What Does the Series "Adolescence" Tell Us About Adolescence?

[Views are my own and not those of the Yale School of Medicine.]

As a developmental psychologist, it’s tough for me to watch shows about children and teens. All too often, popular shows propagate inaccurate, negative stereotypes and spread misinformation that steers kids and their caring adults in the wrong direction. But given the popularity of the miniseries Adolescence and the discussion it’s generating, I steeled myself to watch it. I wanted to know: Is it really about adolescence, and is it helpful or harmful to watch?

The four-episode miniseries follows the harrowing investigation of Jamie, a thirteen-year-old accused of murdering his schoolmate Katie. The question of whether he’s guilty is settled early via incriminating CCTV footage. The remainder of the show focuses on the question of who or what may have caused this nightmare, and the writers interrogate the possibilities one by one. The show touches on themes of cyberbullying, social media, and toxic online culture; the pain of humiliation and rejection; intergenerational trauma; and the fragility of teen identity.

First, I’ll share my opinion: I wish the series hadn’t been made. It exploits parents’ worst fears—that the world will damage their child; that they’ll be unable to stop something tragic from happening; or that they’ll be in the dark, the last to know about dangers stalking their child—all while failing to provide solutions for the problems teens actually are facing. Today’s parents (at least in the United States) are already buying bulletproof backpacks to protect their kindergartners from school shooters and limiting their teens’ social media use to protect their mental health—in addition to monitoring age-old risks like substance use and unsafe sex. All of this adds up to an overwhelming burden of anxiety and responsibility that should not be left solely to parents. So the series feels like a cheap shot, a gratuitous grab at the low-hanging fruit of parents’ anxiety. Any profession that takes the raising of kids seriously is ethically required to care for families if they upset them, but media gets a pass—for the sake of entertainment—while profiting from it.

Does the miniseries get teens right?

The title Adolescence is admittedly attention-grabbing. It is a broad heading that implies that the series will inform viewers about this age group and (given the ensuing plot) that it will draw a connection between this period of development and the potential for murder. However, Adolescence is a work of dramatic fiction, a piece of art intentionally constructed to provoke, to shock and appall, to stir feelings and raise alarm in order to attract viewers and get people to talk about the show. However, it should not be mistaken for an accurate education about the period of adolescence (on which I’ve taught many courses at the university level). And, importantly, while it raises questions about this period, it does not point to the solutions that we know exist.  

That said, it does have some echoes of some qualities of teens that are unique to their age. Kids 10 to 14 are going through the onset of puberty, including hormonal changes that remodel the brain to prepare them for adulthood. Evolution has engineered teens’ brains to motivate them to eventually leave the nest, form communities, mate, and assume the responsibility for adapting society anew to changing environments. In the early stages, these initial brain changes are abrupt and pervasive. They alter teens’ thinking, emotions, decision-making, and behavior. Young teens become more sensitive to others, more attracted to novelty and risk, and more experimental in their search for identity and belonging than any other age group.

In Adolescence, some of these dynamics are on display:

  • The need for social acceptance is a driving force in early adolescence. It’s a time when teens sort their identity from those of their parents. But young teens aren’t yet sure who they are, so they look to their peers for a temporary identity. This can be fraught, since their peers are also in flux, and few have developed good coping skills—after all, it’s everyone’s first rodeo.

  • Research reveals the biology of just how high-stakes peer acceptance can feel. For example, when young teens are asked in studies to give a speech while they think their peers are observing them, their cortisol spikes above the levels experienced by younger children who perform the same task. This, along with other studies, suggest that from 11 to 14 or 15 years of age, kids are more stressed in front of peers than people at any other age.

Cortisol response in children and teens to giving a speech in front of peers. From Gunnar, M.R. et al., 2009

The need for acceptance and the pain of exclusion course through Adolescence. In a virtuoso display of acting, the young man playing Jamie (Owen Cooper) demonstrates how deeply the character’s ostracism has cut, exposing excruciating shame and agony. To the counselor who is assigned to evaluate him, he shrieks, “Do you like me? Don’t you even like me a little bit? What did you think about me?”

  • In young teens, the desperate longing for approval lives side by side with a growing need for a psychological separateness, for independent thought and decision-making. Many parents will have heard versions of Jamie’s plea for respect when he snaps at the counselor, shouting, “You do not control me!” and “You do not tell me when to sit down!” It’s a reminder that threats to a young teen’s emerging autonomy are a third rail, a line to be approached with great care.

  • Some of the brain changes in teens create faulty thinking. They don’t yet have the mature judgment of adults, though we often make the mistake of thinking that they should, given their physical size. Studies show that around 14 years of age, there is a brief period of degradation in their gradual ability to plan ahead, make wise decisions (especially in the presence of peers), and manage their impulses. Young teens are famously “all gas and no brakes,” since their hastiness frequently overwhelms their ability to check themselves.

In the show, the counselor interrogates the maturity of Jamie’s judgment: Does he understand the permanence of death, the consequences of his actions, or the sexual activity that’s appropriate for his age? (Yes, yes, and no.) In the U.S. this evaluation would bear on his sentencing. Developmental expert Lawrence Steinberg argued in an amicus brief to the Supreme Court that teens are less culpable for their crimes due to their developmental immaturity, susceptibility to peer influence, and greater potential for change. This led to the abolishment of the death penalty and life without parole for juveniles.

Given these elements of adolescent brain development, does it follow that Jamie’s adolescence alone is responsible for the havoc he wreaks? In a word, no. In 2021, less than 1% of teens (0.5%) aged 12-17 years old committed a violent crime.¹ Viewed another way, in 2020 only 7% of total violent crimes were committed by youth under age 18 compared to 93% committed by adults, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. If the title of the show is meant to imply that just being an adolescent raises one’s risk for murder, that’s inaccurate. There’s a pretty infinitesimal chance that just being an adolescent raises one’s risk for murder.

Implying that teens are inherently troublesome, volatile, or violent wrongly reinforces an old, biased and destructive stereotype of adolescence as a period of “storm and stress.” Instead, current science views adolescence in the opposite light, as a period of positive growth and tremendous potential—for creativity, idealism, social good, and sensitive care. They are biologically designed to envision and lead society toward a better future; it’s not a coincidence that most social justice movements have been led by young people.

But how an individual’s adolescence plays out depends on the quality of the environment in which they’re growing. During puberty, the brain over-produces synaptic connections because it’s awaiting input from the environment about which connections are important. It then prunes back the unnecessary ones. You may have heard the adage “The neurons that fire together, wire together.” (The ones that don’t fire are eliminated.) Nascent research shows that the stress regulation system is also remodeled during this time, and it, too, recalibrates according to the level of stress teens are experiencing around them. In other words, a young teen’s brain and body are extra-sensitive to their environment, and how it feels to them will literally become embedded in their body and brain.

Multiple suspects: wider social forces.

Given this extra sensitivity to their environment, unhealthy and unsupportive surroundings can deliver an extra whammy to teens.

For 50 years, science has shown that development is a seamless and continuous interaction between nature and nurture. Who a person is at any point in time is a result of how their unique biology as an individual interacts with the layers of social environments surrounding them—environments that include their home, school, neighborhood, country, and economy. The more distant forces, including culture and social norms, are transmitted through direct one-to-one relationships, and it’s caregivers, siblings, peers, and teachers—whether virtual or in person—who have the most power to influence a child.

Here’s how the prominent developmental theorist Urie Bronfenbrenner diagrammed the child nested within multiple layers of contexts:

In this view, development at any point in time is “co-constructed,” or the result of multiple forces interacting simultaneously across any of the layers. These influences are also filtered through the characteristics of the child, who can be an active agent in their own development. For example, two children of the same parents—Jamie and his sister in the show, for example—may turn out very different due partly to differences in their temperaments, genetic inheritance, abilities, and more.

In his groundbreaking 1979 book The Ecology of Human Development, Bronfenbrenner writes that parents’ power to affect their children is paramount—but it’s also limited by the environments and time periods in which they live. How children fare, he explains, depends on how well society’s goals are aligned with their wellbeing. Unfortunately, in the United States (and to some extent in the UK, at least as portrayed in Adolescence), societal forces are currently badly misaligned with healthy child development. The social contract where communities collectively support its members has broken.

Adolescence reviews some of these wider societal forces. For example, has a restrictive view of masculinity played a role in making Jamie capable of murder? In an attempt to “toughen him up,” Jamie’s working-class father, Eddie, pushed his son toward sports instead of fostering his real interests in art and history. The series raises the question of whether that choice backfired, instead brewing a storm of anger or resentment within Jamie.

Jamie posts pictures of models on his social media in an effort to boost an image of what he thinks his masculinity should be—that of a “player,” a young man attracted to (and presumably desired by) beautiful women. But Jamie and a peer are taunted by their classmates for their immaturity and called “incels,” a term meaning “involuntarily celibate.” Even when Jamie makes a genuinely kind overture to Katie after she herself is cyberbullied, (a topless photo of her circulates on social media), Katie reacts viciously, publicly rejecting him, and the show flirts with the suggestion that her behavior could have brought on Jamie’s retaliation.² The “manosphere” (the deeply misogynistic strain of culture found in blogs, websites, and podcasts) is increasingly reaching young men through social media and algorithms, encouraging them to blame women and see themselves as victims of sexism. (For more analysis of masculinity and the miniseries, I recommend the social psychologist Brendan Kwiatkowski’s blog post about the show at remasculine.com/blog.)

Next, the investigative gaze shifts to the internet and social media. Jamie’s mother Manda laments to her husband that they weren’t able to protect Jamie despite the fact that he was under their roof. “He was in his room, wasn’t he?” she says. “We thought he was safe, didn’t we? What harm could he do in there?” She’s had no awareness of the harassment stalking her son from beyond their walls.

Unfortunately, in the current state of technology, parents have to find a way to gain that awareness. While in-person interactions begin and end by entering or exiting a door, virtual relationships aren’t constrained by time and place. Users can participate in many interactions simultaneously, be in multiple spaces simultaneously, or engage asynchronistically. When children are in their rooms, parents should never assume that they’re alone if they have a device that’s connected to the internet.

Now, current guidance suggests that parents should restrict young teens’ screen use overall and especially restrict their access to social media until ages 15 or 16. Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, in his book, The Anxious Generation, makes a strong developmental case for postponing kids’ access to social media as long as possible. Instead, kids can have “dumb phones” that allow only texting, calling, and emailing. Adolescent expert Lisa Damour recommends that when access is finally allowed, parents should scaffold their kids’ use by systematically educating and supervising them. “Dance like no one’s watching,” she says, “but email like you’ll be subpoenaed.” Everything that transpires online will eventually be available to a potential employer, she adds.

Until media and technology decide to be supportive of young people’s development, it falls to parents to buffer their children from those harmful forces.

What does the show miss?

Completely absent from consideration in Adolescence is the role of the school. How has such intense bullying gone unnoticed by an adult with the power—and responsibility—to intervene? The show depicts eruptions of bullying on school grounds, and several teachers are aware of brewing trouble, yet none of them does a thing.

In 2023, about one in five young people 12-18 years old reported being bullied. Given teens’ social vulnerability, it’s no surprise that, in the absence of an intentionally positive context, bullying peaks in middle school: 25% of middle schoolers report being bullied, compared to 15% of high school students. Bullying is harmful for everyone involved—the bully, the target, the witnesses, and the school as a whole. Both the children who bully and those who are bullied have an increased risk of mental health problems that can follow them into adulthood and undermine their functioning, including an elevated risk of violence for both parties that can persist into adulthood. So while adolescence alone does not raise a risk for violence, being bullied does. The U.S. Secret Service determined that the majority of school shooters had been bullied. Depending on the severity, bullying can be considered a form of abuse, trauma, and/or an adverse childhood experience.

Parents worry about bullying and their teens’ mental health. So it’s important for them to know that schools have a legal and ethical responsibility to keep all students safe, including safe from bullying. In the U.S., every state has legislation that prohibits bullying and requires schools to establish policies to prevent it. Though there is some variation by state, most schools are accountable even if the bullying happens off campus or on social media, and certainly if it spills over into school time. The United Kingdom, where the show is set, has a similar network of laws and policies.

What actually works in schools? Research shows that most “anti-bullying” programs that rely simply on raising awareness and enforcing consequences don’t work. What does work is when schools create a positive school climate and teach emotion and relationship skills—this leads to lower rates of bullying and violence overall. Students and adults alike report warmer and closer connections, and the students have higher achievement scores. Positive relationships with teachers are protective against peer victimization. When a school community is emotionally skilled, teachers can often quickly sense when someone is hurting, and they compassionately and effectively follow up. And teens, for their part, have more language and strategies for their feelings and conflicts.

Recommendations:

Both human rights organizations and developmental science recognize that young people are a vulnerable population in need of special protections simply because of how development works. But this social contract between families and the wider world appears to be broken. Numerous studies rank the U.S. lowest among developed nations in helping parents to support children. On almost any policy dimension, other countries do better on issues like affordable childcare, work-family policies, income parity, health, technology, or education. Recently, I attended an international summit evaluating social media and happened to be seated next to a European colleague. When I grumbled, “Why can’t tech companies police themselves in the interest of children?” he responded. “In Europe, we regulate problems. You Americans have to educate your way out of problems.”

Still, voices are rising in favor of regulations. Social psychologist Haidt calls for stringent restrictions on technology. Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is outspoken about the risks of social media, comparing “Big Tech” to “Big Tobacco” for the way companies obscure their own evidence for harm while maximizing kids’ engagement at the expense of their health and wellbeing. He calls for Congress to require warning labels on social media platforms, similar to warnings on tobacco. As a developmental psychologist, I would like to see developmental impact evaluations (much like environmental impact reports) from companies making products that touch aspects of children’s lives, directly or indirectly.

What can schools do?

Many schools are considering screening Adolescence for their students and/or parents. As I’m sure is obvious from everything I’ve just expressed, I strongly recommend against that—for multiple reasons. The show is a work of fiction that, while offering some important insight into adolescence in 2025, creates an extreme and unlikely case. Again, it is designed to provoke, and should not be viewed as a documentary nor presented as an education.

Schools should not raise parents’ fear and alarm more than they can mitigate them, and they certainly should not endorse the show’s view that there are no answers—especially if they are eschewing their own accountability. They should not perpetuate a wrong stereotype of teenagers as inherently volatile rather than accurately describing their incredible potential for good and how we can support it. In addition, many students could be traumatized by the show, especially the large number of students who already experience bullying as well as sensitive or empathic students who feel experiences more deeply. And finally, fear-based, “scared straight” tactics rarely work with teens. When they experience pressure coming from authority figures, their autonomy threat is activated, they feel manipulated, and the tactic often backfires, making teens more likely, not less, to act out.

What can concerned schools do instead?  

  • Review and recommit to preventing bullying with evidence-based approaches. The Cyberbullying Research Center is one of the best resources from which to draw clear-headed guidance and inspiration. The RULER Approach, with which I’m affiliated, reduces bullying by teaching skills of emotional intelligence.

  • Offer parent education talks and/or workshops on the school’s approach to preventing bullying as well as on accurate teen development, supporting teen friendships, and dealing with social media.

  • Develop a charter for how your school and each classroom will foster the values and the actions that promote kindness, safety, and calm and connected relationships.

  • Cultivate—and measure—a positive school climate. Regularly collect data on how safe students feel.

  • Fully embed an emotion skills education into the curriculum. Teach skills directly, but even more importantly, model them every day throughout school life. 

What can parents do?

I’ve written and spoken extensively about how parents and schools can prevent bullying. Recent research, however, has added some new insights. Studies show that a good relationship between parents and children beginning early in development helps to prevent trouble later on. When kids feel they can really communicate with their parents, it’s protective. Peer victimization is less likely to occur in the first place, and if it does happen, the harmful effects on the child are less intense.³ In general, in middle school, kids tend to talk less with their parents than they did when they were younger, and it’s hard to suddenly develop good communication once victimization begins. So maintaining a good relationship with trust, respect, and open communication all along helps to keep kids in a safe lane.

In addition, the following are helpful:

  • Normalize healthy conversations about relationships, e.g., how kids feel when they’re in a good relationship versus how they feel when it’s not good, and how to problem-solve interpersonal difficulties. Share some of your own relationship solutions (in age-appropriate ways). Verbalize values around relationships. Discuss relationship dimensions that appear in books, the news, or their surrounding world.

  • Studies show that conversations that are open, warm, somewhat structured, and—importantly—respect teens’ growing autonomy, foster resilience even amid difficulty. Conversations that allow for teens’ feelings, that encourage teens’ own problem-solving and self-reflection, and that are not controlling or directive are especially helpful.⁴

  • If bullying continues, communicate with the relevant educators, and go up the administrative chain as necessary until the problem is resolved.

  • Document interactions with the school through follow-up emails, constructively and kindly confirming what was discussed and agreed upon.

  • If cyberbullying occurs, take screenshots, and report activity to the platform. (Find more guidance at cyberbullying.org.)

We live in a network of embedded systems, and parents can’t possibly make up for the failures of society to protect their kids. All kids are sensitive, and young teens are especially vulnerable to the toxicity all too readily accessible on the internet/social media, as well as to the bullying that goes unchecked there. We didn’t need a show like Adolescence, but perhaps we can use it wisely to deepen our commitment to supporting teens—and all our children.


  1. In 2021, about 123,000 serious violent crimes were committed by youths aged 12-17 years old. There are roughly 25 million in this age group, so that works out to about 0.5%. https://www.statista.com/statistics/477466/number-of-serious-violent-crimes-by-youth-in-the-us/

  2. A note about Katie’s point of view: We never get it, and that’s part of the point of the show. This is a series that intentionally interrogates the experience and motivations of the perpetrator and not the victim.

  3. Slade, S. G. (May, 2025). Peer victimization, self-blame, and rumination during middle childhood: The protective role of parent-child communication. Presented to The Society for Research in Child Development, Minneapolis, MN.

  4. Kim, S.G. (May, 2025). Peer victimization and youth internalizing symptoms: The role of observed maternal behaviors. Presented to The Society for Research in Child Development, Minneapolis, MN.

 

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Hitting Children Leads to Trauma, Not Better Behavior

[This post is about the practice of hitting children to modify their behavior, usually referred to as “spanking.” I choose not to use that term here, in part because I feel it minimizes the seriousness of bodily violence against children, and also because the term has been co-opted to refer to a type of consensual sexual play. Instead, I use other terms like “hitting,” “physical punishment,” and “corporal punishment.” Also content notice: There are references to violence and slavery in this post.]

* * * * *

Almost every caregiver has experienced that emergency that makes them want to impulsively discipline their child. For example, your child chases a ball into the street, directly into traffic, unaware of the oncoming truck. You bolt after them, grab them by the arm, and rush both of you to the sidewalk. You’ve just saved your child from getting injured, or worse. You’re terrified and possibly angry, too. For some adults, this intense activation leads them to strike a child.

“Now, why would you hit them?” Elizabeth Gershoff said to me when we discussed the effects of physical force on children. Gershoff is a professor of Human Development and Families Sciences at the University of Texas at Austin. For the past 20 years, along with collaborators at other universities, she has been a leading researcher documenting the harmful effects of hitting children for “discipline.”

“I agree we need to get the child out of the street,” she continued. “But the child is already scared to death. They see your fear on your face and hear it in your voice. You’re already communicating the seriousness of the behavior by your emotional expression, your words, and your tone. Those are the tools you already have to express that they cannot run into the street, that they could get badly hurt, that you’re scared, and that if they can’t keep their feet on the sidewalk, then they’ll have to go inside. There are many ways you can deal with the situation that do not require hitting them.”

“If you have to hit somebody, you have lost control,” she said.

Why do adults still hit children?

Hitting a child is a failure of the adult in many ways, Gershoff told me. Sometimes adults misunderstand a child’s behavior and ascribe the wrong intention to it. They think the child was purposely trying to make them mad, get back at them for something, show they don’t care, or even take advantage of them. But most often, what an adult calls “misbehavior” is actually just a mistake on the part of the child, Gershoff said. For example, a preschooler may not know that it’s not okay to write on a wall. To them, that big, white expanse looks like a large canvas or the easel they use at school, and they were simply inspired to color it. It can be helpful for adults to learn more about what children are capable of at different ages and channel a child’s inspiration in appropriate directions. (See some resources below.)

Photo Credit: Mauro Fermariello Science Source Images

What many people won’t admit is that hitting a child can provide an emotional release and a fleeting sense of power for the grown-up. An adult may feel frustrated that they’ve lost control of the child, but when they strike the child, the child stops what they’re doing and usually starts crying. The adult feels vindicated by getting the child’s attention, and their pent-up frustration or anger is released. They believe “it worked,” and the strategy becomes reinforced. Many parental feelings are masked by anger—fear, alarm, loss, grief, shock, shame, etc.—and lashing out can momentarily transfer the uncomfortable energy onto the child—a much less powerful target.

Sometimes physical punishment results from an adult’s failure to supervise and plan responsibly—and maybe the feelings of shame and regret that come up when things go wrong. “Our job is to make a safe environment for children,” said Gershoff. “Why was the child near the street to begin with? Why is the pot on a stove in a position where the child can grab the handle? Why is the electrical socket uncovered? We adults are responsible for making a safe environment for children.” Of course, not every misstep can be anticipated; no parent can make the world 100% safe for their child. When accidents do happen, then, it’s the responsibility of the adult to respond in a way that doesn’t involve physical or emotional harm.

Most people who use physical force were on the receiving end of it when they were children. Studies show that children who are physically punished are more likely to perpetuate the practice as adults, believing that it’s not only normal but necessary for raising children properly. Even the small percentage of pediatricians who still support this kind of hitting—in direct opposition to the official position of the American Academy of Pediatrics—tend to be the ones who were hit as children.

When a child hits a child, we call it aggression.
When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility.
When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault.
When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline.
— Haim Ginott, Child Psychologist and Psychotherapist

The use of physical force against children has deep roots. Throughout history, children were objectified as sub-human, the property of adults to do with as they pleased. Maltreatment was the norm, and children were “civilized” by routine beatings and worse. In the U.S., it wasn’t until 1974 that child abuse was made illegal. Even then, it was restricted to actions (or failures to act) that caused “serious harm” or death to a child; physical force that did not cause a visible injury, and was intended to “modify behavior,” remained legal. The distinction, though, often falls to the eye of the beholder—a judge or other representative of the state.

Some communities are more apt to rely on physical punishment. Conservative Christians historically believed that children were inherently “depraved” and “filled with the devil,” requiring harsh treatment to become proper adults. Today’s Christian leadership is divided on the issue. James Dobson, therapist and founder of the Christian group, Focus on the Family, advocates the physical discipline of children as long as the adult is “calm” and hugs the child afterward. But two religious denominations, the United Methodist Church, and the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church, passed resolutions encouraging parents to use discipline that does not involve corporal punishment.

A 2015 Pew Research Center survey showed that in the U.S., Black families use physical methods to punish their children twice as often as White or Latinx families. “Black parents have legitimate fears about the safety of their children,” writes Stacey Patton, professor at Howard University and author of Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America. “And the overwhelming majority believe physical punishment is necessary to keep Black children out of the streets, out of prison, or out of police officers’ sight…a belief [that], however heartfelt, is wrong.” She asserts that physical punishment is not a Black cultural tradition; it’s racial trauma.

Charles Blow, New York Times columnist and author of Fire Shut Up in My Bones, concurs. He acknowledges that some people believe that it is better to be punished at home by someone who loves you than someone outside the home who doesn’t. But that is a “false binary between the streets and the strap,” he writes. “Love doesn’t look like that.”

Stacey Patton considers physical punishment through a historical lens: “We cannot have discussions about corporal punishment in Black communities without talking about history,” she writes. Many Black Americans are descendants of enslaved people who were abducted from West Africa. According to historians and anthropologists, there is no evidence that parents in West African societies used physical force on their children. In fact, they believed that children were gods or reincarnated ancestors, arriving from the afterlife with spiritual powers for the good of the community. Hitting a child could make their soul leave their body. But the slave trade increasingly stole younger and younger people, and by the time abolition was imminent, the average age of captives was between nine and twelve. It was impossible for young people to carry child-rearing traditions from their homeland, and once they were in America, adults were under tremendous pressure to make their children docile and compliant in front of white people in order to survive. Today, a number of Black parenting experts advocate for families to break intergenerational cycles of trauma and adopt constructive ways to guide children without physical punishment.

Why do people who were hit as children often become hitters themselves?

A common psychological defense our minds employ is to act out the hurt we’ve experienced at the hands of others by perpetrating it on other people later, even with those we love. This happens when haven’t become aware of our painful feelings or fully examined them.

Source: Instagram post from the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine

Trauma experts explain why this happens. Children depend on the adults around them for survival. This dependency takes the form of attachment, something I wrote about in a previous post. So when children experience pain from the person who’s supposed to keep them safe, it’s one of the worst kinds of harm they can experience. Their nervous system, designed to keep them safe, begins to get sculpted around the constant threat, creating brain circuitries that are vigilant, reactive, and dysregulated. At the same time, their attachment system needs to keep them in the relationship, so it devises all kinds of excuses: “It’s not that bad;” “I deserved it;” “It made me a better person,” etc. In other words, children dissociate from their feelings of pain and fear.

Kier Gaines, a therapist, social media influencer, and father of two, describes the dynamic in an Instagram video that went viral. “The men that were a generation before us, got raised by the men that were a generation before them, and those men didn’t really know warm love….Before you take on a family,” he says, “go see somebody about your past. Go see somebody about the trauma you’ve endured throughout your life, and start healing.”

Hitting children, even for “discipline,” is a form of trauma.

Some adults cling to the excuse that a single swat on the bottom, or one slap on the head, can’t be that bad, and is necessary to “teach them a lesson.”

“Is there any kind of hitting that works to change behavior?” I asked Gershoff.

“There’s no situation that I can imagine where physical punishment is useful or necessary,” replied Gershoff. “It doesn’t teach children to behave well. It’s not effective for reducing aggression, or teaching self-control or prosocial behavior, or any of the things parents hope to teach children. It’s not effective in either the short- or the long-term.”

Physical punishment is one of the most intensely studied aspects of parenting. Hundreds of studies over five decades have concluded that it’s harmful to children in just about every measurable way. Children’s behavior, emotions, intellectual functioning, and physical health all suffer. Gershoff’s most recent 2016 meta-analysis with Andrew Grogan-Kaylor, professor of social work at the University of Michigan, analyzed 75 studies involving 161,000 children. Three important conclusions were drawn:

First, consistent with earlier research, the analysis found no evidence that physical punishment changed the original, unwanted behavior.

Second, there were 13 significant harmful effects of the practice:

  • Poorer moral reasoning

  • Increased childhood aggression

  • Increased antisocial behavior

  • Increased externalizing behavior problems (disruptive or harmful behavior directed at other people or things)

  • Increased internalizing behavior problems (symptoms of anxiety or depression)

  • Child mental health problems

  • Impaired parent-child relationship

  • Impaired cognitive ability and impaired academic achievement

  • Lower self-esteem

  • More likely to be a victim of physical abuse

  • Antisocial behavior in adulthood

  • Mental health problems in adulthood

  • Alcohol or substance abuse problems in adulthood

  • Support for physical punishment in adulthood

Third, these outcomes were similar to effects of childhood trauma. A landmark set of studies in the 1990s documented that exposure to certain kinds of childhood experiences—including physical and emotional abuse or neglect, sexual abuse, domestic violence, family mental illness, incarceration, and substance abuse—causes great harm lasting into adulthood. And the more adverse experiences a child has, the greater the impact. The effects include increased risk for serious physical diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart disease and COPD as well as early death, mental illness, suicidality, lower educational and professional attainment, and even reduced income. As a result of these findings, a ten-question screening tool known as the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Checklist is now widely used to identify risk for mental and physical illnesses due to ACEs, in the hope of providing early intervention and treatment.

Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor analyzed a subset of seven studies from their meta-analysis that compared the use of physical punishment to physical abuse and found that the impact was indistinguishable. Both physical punishment and physical abuse led to more antisocial behavior and mental health problems in childhood as well as increased mental health problems in adulthood. In a separate study, Gershoff and colleagues reanalyzed a subset of the original ACEs data and also found that physical punishment was associated with the same mental health problems in adulthood as physical and emotional abuse. In addition, it created an even greater likelihood of suicide attempts and substance abuse than physical and emotional abuse alone created.

Brain imaging studies also show a link between physical punishment and trauma. In a 2021 study, researchers showed 147 12-year-olds pictures of fearful and neutral faces while their brain activity was imaged in a functional MRI (fMRI) machine. Compared to children who were never physically punished, children who were physically punished had greater activity throughout the brain when viewing fearful faces. They also had more activity in regions of the brain related to threat appraisal, emotion regulation, and evaluating the mental state of others. Importantly, the pattern of their brain activity was the same as children who had been physically abused. When children have harmful interpersonal experiences, they become hypervigilant to the emotional expressions of others, because fearful or angry adult faces can be a cue that something bad is likely to follow. This study suggests that children who are physically punished are running the same brain circuitry as children who have been abused.

Data like this shows that the attempt to distinguish between physical punishment and physical abuse is no longer legitimate. What we now know is that inside the child, the response is the same. According to Gershoff, “Research like this may help parents understand that when they’re hitting their children, they’re causing fundamental damage to the child’s brain—not because they’re hitting them in the head. They’re hitting them in other places on their body, and it’s causing a massive stress reaction every time. And it gets worse every time it happens. That stress ramps up and ramps up and causes physical and mental health problems.” As a result, Gershoff and colleagues, and many other scientists, call for physical punishment to be identified and screened for as an additional ACE.  

Other countries are far ahead of the U.S.  

Worldwide, three out of four (close to 300 million) children two-to-four years of age are punished with violence regularly, including physical punishment or verbal abuse from parents or caregivers. In some countries, children as young as 12 months are regularly hit, according to a 2017 UNICEF study.

But momentum is growing to outlaw corporal punishment of children in all settings, including home and school. (The term “corporal punishment” is used internationally, and in the U.S. it refers to physical punishment in schools. It’s defined as the intentional use of physical force to cause pain or discomfort, or non-physical force that is cruel or degrading.) Currently, 63 countries have a full prohibition on corporal punishment, inside and outside the home. The map below shows the status of each country. (This link takes you to the interactive map, where you can find more details about each country’s progress.)

In U.S. homes, though, physical punishment remains legal in every state. Even in the case of abuse, some judges will excuse it if it was intended to “discipline” children, under a “parental discipline exemption.”

As for schools, corporal punishment is outlawed in 31 states and the District of Columbia, but it remains lawful in 19 states, in both public and private schools. Gershoff consulted with Congressman Don McEachin and Senator Chris Murphy on a bill to ban corporal punishment in schools, Protecting Our Students in Schools Act. “It didn’t get momentum,” she told me. “I don’t think people realize it’s still happening in schools, but nearly 100,000 kids get paddled with boards each year in school, primarily in states in the South.”

Even without progress at the government level, public opinion and practices are gradually changing. A U.S. study of 35-year-old parents conducted every year from 1993 to 2017 asked the question, “How often do you spank your child(ren)?” The graph below shows the decline in the percentage of parents reporting any spanking at all, from about 50% in 1993, to about 35% in 2017.  

Recently, a colleague and I were facilitating a parent meeting at a school, squeezed into child-sized chairs in a circle, when an older woman rushed in, late, and breathless. After she settled into her chair, she shared: “I’m taking care of my two grandchildren while my daughter is in jail,” she said. “I hit my own kids, and I know that’s wrong. But I don’t know what to do instead.” I was moved by her vulnerability and her determination. One of the most important jobs we have as parents and caregivers is to protect our children from our worst selves. I could see her commitment to stopping the intergenerational transmission of violence.

Parenting is hard. We love our children, we nurture their gifts, and we teach self-control and acceptable behavior. There are many positive, gentle, respectful ways of guiding them forward that begin with our own awareness, education, and self-regulation. This is a larger topic for another post, but as a starting point, I’ve listed a few of my favorite resources below.

“It took us until 1994 to ban violence against women,” Gershoff told me in closing. “Now we look back and wonder why anyone ever thought violence against women was okay. I think we’re in the middle of a similar gradual shift regarding hitting children. We’ll eventually get there, but we haven’t quite had the sea change yet. I’m hoping it will come.”        


…There is no ambiguity: ‘All forms of physical or mental violence’ does not leave room for any level of legalized violence against children. Corporal punishment and other cruel or degrading forms of punishment are forms of violence and the State must take all appropriate legislative, administrative, social and educational measures to eliminate them.
— United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child
Parents, other caregivers, and adults interacting with children and adolescents should not use corporal punishment (including hitting and spanking), either in anger or as a punishment for or consequence of misbehavior, nor should they use any disciplinary strategy, including verbal abuse, that causes shame or humiliation.
— American Association of Pediatrics
Physical discipline is not effective in achieving parents’ long-term goals of decreasing aggressive and defiant behavior in children or of promoting regulated and socially competent behavior in children….The adverse outcomes associated with physical discipline indicates that any perceived short-term benefits of physical discipline do not outweigh the detriments of this form of discipline….Caregivers [should] use alternative forms of discipline that are associated with more positive outcomes for children
— American Psychological Association

Additional Resources

Alternatives to hitting:

A secure attachment and an authoritative parenting style set the foundation for closer relationships and cooperation — see my earlier blog posts for more.

In addition, there are lots of wonderful resources on Instagram and TikTok. Look for people who advocate gentle parenting, positive parenting, or respectful parenting. Here are some of my favorites on Instagram:

@respectfulmom, @mrchazz, @biglittlefeelings, @babiesandbrains, @dr.katetruitt, @the.family.coach, @wildpeaceforparents, @greatergoodmag, @ceciletuckercounselling, @kiergaines, @thedadgang, @the.dad.vibes, @laura._.lovee, @gottmaninstitute, @parentingtranslator, @parenting_pathfinders, @dr.annlouise.lockhart, @dr.siggie, @parentstogether

Books:

  • No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame by Janet Lansbury

  • The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

  • by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

  • How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

  • Between Parent and Child, by Haim Ginott

  • The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More, by Bruce Feiler

What to expect of children at different ages:

On hitting and trauma:

  • Many good resources are available at the Trauma Research Foundation

  • The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk

  • What Happened to You? By Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

  • For Your Own Good, by Alice Miller

  • Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America, by Stacey Patton 

It's Time for the U.S. to Take Developmental Justice Seriously

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The U.S. ranks among the worst in developed nations in which to raise children. Its poor performance is both alarming and consistent. But as the new U.S. administration goes to work, there are flickering signs that America’s children may start to get the care and respect they deserve. The Biden-Harris Administration is proposing a combination of emergency relief and permanent policies that are long overdue, albeit a drop in the bucket. But they’re significant and evidence-based, and they may begin to help us catch up with the more supportive ways other countries treat their children.

Policies and the beliefs and values they telegraph comprise a systemic approach to children, just as they do for any demographic, e.g. gender, ethnicity, ability, etc. And historically, children are late to the justice table. For most of human history, children were not seen as fully human until they could work, and even then, it was legal to abuse, enslave, and even kill them. They were considered objects—property to do with as one pleased. Some children were targeted more than others, including girls, the poor, immigrants, indigenous, and black children. In the U.S., child labor wasn’t outlawed until 1938; child abuse became illegal in 1974. Surgeries on babies were routinely performed without analgesics as late as the 1980s, as babies were deemed insufficiently evolved to feel pain—a belief refuted with data only in 1986.

The U.S. is progressing, but we lag far behind the rest of developed countries in elevating our children to the status and protection they deserve.

The most glaring example is our singular refusal among all UN member nations to sign the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC). The UNCRC is a legally binding international agreement that acknowledges the basic human civil, political, economic, social, and cultural rights of children. The UNCRC maintains that children are “entitled to special care and assistance” because of their developmental status and decrees that governments should hold “the best interests of the child” central to all of their decision-making. The Convention includes 54 articles detailing the following children’s rights: to survive, develop, be educated, and cared for; to be protected from violence, war, abuse or neglect; and to have a voice in matters that affect them. Why has the U.S. refused to ratify the document? Largely because Republican senators have consistently blocked it, claiming that it will undermine the sovereignty of the American family. I think we can safely conclude that this is not an actual problem, as 196 countries have successfully governed by the UNCRC for decades.

 How do U.S. children fare compared to children in other countries?

  • Spending on families. According to The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), the U.S. ranks 34th out of 38 OECD countries in the percentage of GDP spent on family benefits. The OECD average is 2.4%, and while some Western and Northern European countries spend 3.5%, the U.S. spends less than 1.5%.

Source: OECD

Caregivers’ paid leave from work to take care of newborns or newly adopted children is critical for children’s good start in life, and it’s an important way governments support child development. Newborns literally need consistent access to their caregivers’ bodies to establish healthy regulatory systems for the rest of their lives. The U.S. is the only country among 41 OECD nations that does not provide paid leave (although five states and D.C. have enacted their own paid leave policies). By contrast, many other countries offer a full year, Estonia offers one and a half, and the smallest length of time offered by any OECD nation other than the U.S.  is two months.

 
 
  • Child poverty. The U.S. has the 10th highest child poverty rate of 42 OECD countries; nearly one third of our country’s citizens in poverty are children. Research shows that poverty in childhood undermines cognitive, social, and emotional development as well as educational and occupational achievement. Lyndon B. Johnson’s Great War on Poverty saw child poverty rates decline, but beginning with the Reagan administration, that trend reversed—for children much more than for other age groupsas the graph below shows. This disproportionate data should raise questions about why the U.S. has chosen to hold poverty rates down for adults but not for children.

  • Overall well-being. UNICEF ranks the U.S. 36th out of 38 rich countries on the overall well-being of children. This includes their mental health, physical health, and academic and social skills—where America ranks 32nd, 38th, and 32nd respectively out of 38 countries.

(If you’re interested in how children are faring in your state, Kids Count ranks individual U.S. states on various measures of well-being. In overall well-being, Massachusetts ranks first, New Mexico last, and California 34th.)

  • Child mortality rates. Globally, children under five have the highest mortality rates of anyone under the age of 75:

And the U.S., one of the most medically advanced countries in the world, ranks 34 out of 44 OECD countries on infant mortality. Black babies in the U.S. are more than twice as likely to die than white babies.

  • Corporal punishment. A worldwide movement is gaining traction to prohibit the corporal punishment of children in any setting. (Corporal punishment is the intentional use of physical force to cause pain or discomfort, or non-physical force that is cruel or degrading.) As of this writing, 61 countries have legally prohibited it in all settings, e.g., family, daycare, school, prisons, etc. In the U.S., though outright child abuse is unlawful, corporal punishment just shy of that mark is legal in all families and in schools in 19 states. (See here for the difference between corporal punishment and child abuse.) Hitting an adult is considered assault, but the legal use of corporal punishment with children is just one example of the ways that they are denied the relationship rights and protections afforded to grownups. Five decades of research on the spanking of children shows that it leads to poor outcomes, but as of 2016, two thirds of U.S. parents agree with the statement “Sometimes a child just needs a good, hard spanking.”

  • Gun violence. Children in the U.S. are 15 times more likely to die from gun violence than children in 31 other rich countries combined. Gunshot wounds are the second leading cause of death for children and teens in the U.S.; more children under five years of age died from gun violence in 2017 than law enforcement officers in the line of duty. Since 1963, more children and teens have died by gun than all the soldiers killed together in the Vietnam, Persian Gulf, Afghanistan, and Iraq wars. 

There are numerous other deeply disturbing statistics, but you can see the clear trend: The U.S. does not invest in its children like other developed nations. In his 2005 book Making Human Beings Human, influential developmental scientist Urie Bronfenbrenner writes:

America’s families, and their children, are in trouble, trouble so deep and pervasive as to threaten the future of our nation. The source of the trouble is nothing less than national neglect of children and…their parents (p. 211).

Laurence Steinberg a developmental scientist who studies teens, sounds a similar alarm in his 2015 book Age of Opportunity, Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence:

When a country’s adolescents trail much of the world on measures of school achievement, but are among the world’s leaders in violence, unwanted pregnancy, STDs,…binge drinking, marijuana use,…and unhappiness, it is time to admit that something is wrong with the way that country is raising its young people. That country is the United States (p. 1).

It’s time to rethink our rosy attitude about “American exceptionalism” and get real. America’s children are systematically undermined. We are only exceptional among nations in our ill treatment of them.

The political climate during the past four years was particularly hostile for children.

The last four years were brutal for children. Beginning with the 2016 presidential campaign, youth bullying spiked to around 70%—directly attributable to Donald Trump’s racist, sexist, and violent rhetoric, according to the Human Rights Campaign and the Southern Poverty Law Center.

The parent-child attachment relationship was targeted and weaponized by the anti-immigrant child separation policy. At least 5,400 children were systematically separated from their parents at the southern border, and at least 545 remain “lost” in the system, unable to be reunited with their families. This kind of separation is clearly known to cause toxic stress in children and alter the structure of their developing brains; it’s recognized by human rights organizations like Amnesty International, Physicians for Human Rights, and many more as a form of torture.

The Covid-19 pandemic layered on additional stress for the vulnerable: 700,000 children became uninsured, food insecurity spiked, and academic achievement disparities widened.  

In her book Childism (a term for systematic prejudice against children), therapist Elisabeth Young-Bruehl writes that one of the clearest signs of a systematic bias against children is the “widespread acquiescence in policies that require future generations to shoulder responsibility for present prosperity.” She writes:

The young have been saddled with a world filled with violence, riddled with economic inequality, and endangered by a disastrous lack of environmental oversight; they must assume a gigantic burden of peacekeeping, legislating fairness, and halting environmental degradation (p. 14).

The last election has shown us that young people are increasingly politically active, expressing concerns over racial injustice, gun violence, climate change, and more. Yet in the 2020 election in California, a proposition that would have extended the vote to 17-year-olds was rejected.

Insulting language and micro-aggressions

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Derogatory language about children is normalized in contemporary society. As Donald Trump increasingly went off the rails, the media often referred to him as a child or—especially damning—a toddler. Surely, if any other demographic were targeted with such an insult, it would be seen as biased and prejudicial.

Even loving caregivers use labels like a “difficult baby” (to whom?), or “the terrible twos” (as if humans shouldn’t strive for autonomy). Teenagers (or iGens) are routinely maligned, as are the prior generation, the millennials. They are talked over, excluded, ignored, and insulted, despite data showing that they are generally inclusive, creative, diverse, accepting, and politically active.

Derogatory language reveals underlying attitudes about children and is especially harmful because of the way human development works. Young children are wired to identify with adults and absorb the discourse around them as normal, as the benchmark of the society they’re learning to enter. Only in adolescence, when they start to individuate, do they have a chance to separate the wheat from the chaff. We place an additional burden on their development when they have to work to shed harmful stereotypes of any kind.

Can we turn a corner?

The Biden-Harris Administration is proposing an overarching “care economy” that recognizes the critical importance of supporting families in caring for their children. A few of their proposals are:

  • A $1.9 trillion American Rescue Plan that could reduce child poverty by 45%, according to an analysis by the Columbia University Center on Poverty and Social Policy.

  •  A commitment to emergency paid sick leave and family and medical leave, which research shows are critical to flattening the curve of Covid-19. The administration has also committed to a permanent 12-week paid family and medical leave policy, allowing families to care for newborns and other family members, and a national paid-sick-days law that makes it easier for people to care for themselves and others when illness strikes.  

  •  Shoring up childcare by reducing costs to families through tax credits and subsidies, and building more childcare centers, including in workplaces. Unpaid caregivers will also receive a tax credit. Importantly, the current administration plans to build up the childcare workforce with better pay, benefits, training, worker protections and career opportunities.

  •  Free, high-quality universal early childhood education for pre-kindergarten three- and four-year-olds. Economists have long recognized that this investment is the best way to improve the economy over the long term.

  •  Making schools hubs for parent and child support by providing more mental health professionals and community resources to families right in school buildings. This is an idea long supported by developmental scientists and educators.

  •  Creating a task force to reunite separated children with their parents, which First Lady Jill Biden will oversee.

There is so much more to do, but these initiatives are hopeful signs that America, at long last, may finally begin to leave harmful approaches to children in the dust bin of history.

In the meantime, adults who raise, guide, and educate children have a powerful role, too. Historian Lloyd deMause documents the history of childhood in his book The Emotional Life of Nations, and he writes that when leaders don’t lead, caregivers can. “Changes in childrearing precede social change,” he reminds us (p. vi). Adult citizen voices are critical to persuading politicians to support families. Informed by developmental science and policy research, Americans can lift up our children, recognize their full humanity, and offer a more stable, successful, and hopeful future for all of us.

 

 (Thumbnail image: Amy Humphries)

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Ten Reasons Teens Need an Emotion Revolution: My Speech to Lady Gaga's Foundation and the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

Developmental scientists are alarmed about American teens' well-being. Our teens are doing much more poorly, in many spheres, than teens in other countries, and indicators of mental illness have been rising among American teens in recent decades. 

On October 24th, I joined 400 high school student students, educators, policymakers, funders, and parents at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. We were there for an all-day summit to launch the Emotion Revolution--a movement to improve the emotional climate for teens at school.

Last spring, the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence teamed up with Lady Gaga's Born This Way Foundation to conduct a survey of 22,000 diverse teens. The survey asked the teens how they were feeling in school and how they wanted to feel. In the first morning session of the Emotion Revolution Summit, the results were revealed:

  • Students surveyed reported that they are not feeling well at school. 80% of the top ten feelings were negative: tired, stressed, and bored, followed by anxious, annoyed, sad, alone, and depressed. (The remaining 20% was accounted for by "happy" and "good" or neutral.)

  • Students said they would rather feel happy, excited, and energized, along with safe, comfortable, valued, respected, connected, supported, balanced, and contented.

In response the Center, along with the BTW Foundation and Facebook, created a website called InspirED. There, teachers and students can find classroom activities of every size designed to foster exactly the feelings that students said they want to have. 

But it's going to take more than a resource center. Like any great change, helping teens feel good at school is going to take attitude shifts, policy changes, funding, and more.

I gave a talk at the Summit which laid out ten reasons, based on adolescent development, for why a revolution is necessary to bring a greater and more sophisticated investment in teens themselves, and in the environments they move in.

My 15-minute talk is here:

If you don't have time to watch, here are my points in a nutshell:

  1. Compared to teens in other developed countries, American teens are struggling in most spheres that matter.

  2. Developmental scientists, who study child and adolescent development, are calling the teen years the new Zero-To-Three. Zero-To-Three was an effort to pour money, policies, and programs into the first few years of children's lives, founded when the science revealed that what happens in a child's environment affects critical brain development. Well, now we're understanding that the brain changes that happen in the teen years are just as critical--and they need just as intense a focus. Never again in a person's life will there be such a window of opportunity.

  3. Beginning in puberty, the brain undergoes tremendous "pruning" of neuronal connections. The neurons that are necessary, and are still used, remain. The unnecessary ones get pruned, or cut out. ("Use it or lose it.") This means that teens' environments are important--what they are paying attention to becomes entrenched in the brain.

  4. A number of changes happen in the brain to make teens more emotional. They need strategies to deal with this intense emotionality.

  5. Due to imbalances in the development of brain systems, teens are "all gas and no brakes," which makes them take uncalculated risks, for better and worse.

  6. Teens are more sensitive to other people than are younger children or adults, and could benefit from more skills for handling their greater depth of feeling.

  7. Teens want to become independent, but they also want to stay connected to their parents--and have been telling researchers so for decades.

  8. This current generation of teens has strong values. They are less materialistic than earlier cohorts of teens, they care more about others, they are concerned for the environment, and they have progressive attitudes.

  9. Most human rights documents concerning youth give them the explicit right to have a say in the matters that affect them.

  10. Teens have led revolutions before.

If we give teens the skills they need and the respect they crave, who knows what force for good we could unleash?

 

 

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Time to Step Up for Disabled Children

The European Union and 127 countries think protecting disabled children's rights is a good thing to do, but the US Senate? Not. See the NY Times Editorial that takes the Senate to task. 

"The new United Nations report finds that children with disabilities are the least likely to receive health care or go to school and are among the most vulnerable to violence, abuse and neglect, especially if they are hidden away in institutions because of social stigma or parental inability to raise them."

"The disabled children and their communities would benefit if the children were accommodated in schools, workplaces, vocational training, transportation and local rehabilitation programs."

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