What Does the Series "Adolescence" Tell Us About Adolescence?

[Views are my own and not those of the Yale School of Medicine.]

As a developmental psychologist, it’s tough for me to watch shows about children and teens. All too often, popular shows propagate inaccurate, negative stereotypes and spread misinformation that steers kids and their caring adults in the wrong direction. But given the popularity of the miniseries Adolescence and the discussion it’s generating, I steeled myself to watch it. I wanted to know: Is it really about adolescence, and is it helpful or harmful to watch?

The four-episode miniseries follows the harrowing investigation of Jamie, a thirteen-year-old accused of murdering his schoolmate Katie. The question of whether he’s guilty is settled early via incriminating CCTV footage. The remainder of the show focuses on the question of who or what may have caused this nightmare, and the writers interrogate the possibilities one by one. The show touches on themes of cyberbullying, social media, and toxic online culture; the pain of humiliation and rejection; intergenerational trauma; and the fragility of teen identity.

First, I’ll share my opinion: I wish the series hadn’t been made. It exploits parents’ worst fears—that the world will damage their child; that they’ll be unable to stop something tragic from happening; or that they’ll be in the dark, the last to know about dangers stalking their child—all while failing to provide solutions for the problems teens actually are facing. Today’s parents (at least in the United States) are already buying bulletproof backpacks to protect their kindergartners from school shooters and limiting their teens’ social media use to protect their mental health—in addition to monitoring age-old risks like substance use and unsafe sex. All of this adds up to an overwhelming burden of anxiety and responsibility that should not be left solely to parents. So the series feels like a cheap shot, a gratuitous grab at the low-hanging fruit of parents’ anxiety. Any profession that takes the raising of kids seriously is ethically required to care for families if they upset them, but media gets a pass—for the sake of entertainment—while profiting from it.

Does the miniseries get teens right?

The title Adolescence is admittedly attention-grabbing. It is a broad heading that implies that the series will inform viewers about this age group and (given the ensuing plot) that it will draw a connection between this period of development and the potential for murder. However, Adolescence is a work of dramatic fiction, a piece of art intentionally constructed to provoke, to shock and appall, to stir feelings and raise alarm in order to attract viewers and get people to talk about the show. However, it should not be mistaken for an accurate education about the period of adolescence (on which I’ve taught many courses at the university level). And, importantly, while it raises questions about this period, it does not point to the solutions that we know exist.  

That said, it does have some echoes of some qualities of teens that are unique to their age. Kids 10 to 14 are going through the onset of puberty, including hormonal changes that remodel the brain to prepare them for adulthood. Evolution has engineered teens’ brains to motivate them to eventually leave the nest, form communities, mate, and assume the responsibility for adapting society anew to changing environments. In the early stages, these initial brain changes are abrupt and pervasive. They alter teens’ thinking, emotions, decision-making, and behavior. Young teens become more sensitive to others, more attracted to novelty and risk, and more experimental in their search for identity and belonging than any other age group.

In Adolescence, some of these dynamics are on display:

  • The need for social acceptance is a driving force in early adolescence. It’s a time when teens sort their identity from those of their parents. But young teens aren’t yet sure who they are, so they look to their peers for a temporary identity. This can be fraught, since their peers are also in flux, and few have developed good coping skills—after all, it’s everyone’s first rodeo.

  • Research reveals the biology of just how high-stakes peer acceptance can feel. For example, when young teens are asked in studies to give a speech while they think their peers are observing them, their cortisol spikes above the levels experienced by younger children who perform the same task. This, along with other studies, suggest that from 11 to 14 or 15 years of age, kids are more stressed in front of peers than people at any other age.

Cortisol response in children and teens to giving a speech in front of peers. From Gunnar, M.R. et al., 2009

The need for acceptance and the pain of exclusion course through Adolescence. In a virtuoso display of acting, the young man playing Jamie (Owen Cooper) demonstrates how deeply the character’s ostracism has cut, exposing excruciating shame and agony. To the counselor who is assigned to evaluate him, he shrieks, “Do you like me? Don’t you even like me a little bit? What did you think about me?”

  • In young teens, the desperate longing for approval lives side by side with a growing need for a psychological separateness, for independent thought and decision-making. Many parents will have heard versions of Jamie’s plea for respect when he snaps at the counselor, shouting, “You do not control me!” and “You do not tell me when to sit down!” It’s a reminder that threats to a young teen’s emerging autonomy are a third rail, a line to be approached with great care.

  • Some of the brain changes in teens create faulty thinking. They don’t yet have the mature judgment of adults, though we often make the mistake of thinking that they should, given their physical size. Studies show that around 14 years of age, there is a brief period of degradation in their gradual ability to plan ahead, make wise decisions (especially in the presence of peers), and manage their impulses. Young teens are famously “all gas and no brakes,” since their hastiness frequently overwhelms their ability to check themselves.

In the show, the counselor interrogates the maturity of Jamie’s judgment: Does he understand the permanence of death, the consequences of his actions, or the sexual activity that’s appropriate for his age? (Yes, yes, and no.) In the U.S. this evaluation would bear on his sentencing. Developmental expert Lawrence Steinberg argued in an amicus brief to the Supreme Court that teens are less culpable for their crimes due to their developmental immaturity, susceptibility to peer influence, and greater potential for change. This led to the abolishment of the death penalty and life without parole for juveniles.

Given these elements of adolescent brain development, does it follow that Jamie’s adolescence alone is responsible for the havoc he wreaks? In a word, no. In 2021, less than 1% of teens (0.5%) aged 12-17 years old committed a violent crime.¹ Viewed another way, in 2020 only 7% of total violent crimes were committed by youth under age 18 compared to 93% committed by adults, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. If the title of the show is meant to imply that just being an adolescent raises one’s risk for murder, that’s inaccurate. There’s a pretty infinitesimal chance that just being an adolescent raises one’s risk for murder.

Implying that teens are inherently troublesome, volatile, or violent wrongly reinforces an old, biased and destructive stereotype of adolescence as a period of “storm and stress.” Instead, current science views adolescence in the opposite light, as a period of positive growth and tremendous potential—for creativity, idealism, social good, and sensitive care. They are biologically designed to envision and lead society toward a better future; it’s not a coincidence that most social justice movements have been led by young people.

But how an individual’s adolescence plays out depends on the quality of the environment in which they’re growing. During puberty, the brain over-produces synaptic connections because it’s awaiting input from the environment about which connections are important. It then prunes back the unnecessary ones. You may have heard the adage “The neurons that fire together, wire together.” (The ones that don’t fire are eliminated.) Nascent research shows that the stress regulation system is also remodeled during this time, and it, too, recalibrates according to the level of stress teens are experiencing around them. In other words, a young teen’s brain and body are extra-sensitive to their environment, and how it feels to them will literally become embedded in their body and brain.

Multiple suspects: wider social forces.

Given this extra sensitivity to their environment, unhealthy and unsupportive surroundings can deliver an extra whammy to teens.

For 50 years, science has shown that development is a seamless and continuous interaction between nature and nurture. Who a person is at any point in time is a result of how their unique biology as an individual interacts with the layers of social environments surrounding them—environments that include their home, school, neighborhood, country, and economy. The more distant forces, including culture and social norms, are transmitted through direct one-to-one relationships, and it’s caregivers, siblings, peers, and teachers—whether virtual or in person—who have the most power to influence a child.

Here’s how the prominent developmental theorist Urie Bronfenbrenner diagrammed the child nested within multiple layers of contexts:

In this view, development at any point in time is “co-constructed,” or the result of multiple forces interacting simultaneously across any of the layers. These influences are also filtered through the characteristics of the child, who can be an active agent in their own development. For example, two children of the same parents—Jamie and his sister in the show, for example—may turn out very different due partly to differences in their temperaments, genetic inheritance, abilities, and more.

In his groundbreaking 1979 book The Ecology of Human Development, Bronfenbrenner writes that parents’ power to affect their children is paramount—but it’s also limited by the environments and time periods in which they live. How children fare, he explains, depends on how well society’s goals are aligned with their wellbeing. Unfortunately, in the United States (and to some extent in the UK, at least as portrayed in Adolescence), societal forces are currently badly misaligned with healthy child development. The social contract where communities collectively support its members has broken.

Adolescence reviews some of these wider societal forces. For example, has a restrictive view of masculinity played a role in making Jamie capable of murder? In an attempt to “toughen him up,” Jamie’s working-class father, Eddie, pushed his son toward sports instead of fostering his real interests in art and history. The series raises the question of whether that choice backfired, instead brewing a storm of anger or resentment within Jamie.

Jamie posts pictures of models on his social media in an effort to boost an image of what he thinks his masculinity should be—that of a “player,” a young man attracted to (and presumably desired by) beautiful women. But Jamie and a peer are taunted by their classmates for their immaturity and called “incels,” a term meaning “involuntarily celibate.” Even when Jamie makes a genuinely kind overture to Katie after she herself is cyberbullied, (a topless photo of her circulates on social media), Katie reacts viciously, publicly rejecting him, and the show flirts with the suggestion that her behavior could have brought on Jamie’s retaliation.² The “manosphere” (the deeply misogynistic strain of culture found in blogs, websites, and podcasts) is increasingly reaching young men through social media and algorithms, encouraging them to blame women and see themselves as victims of sexism. (For more analysis of masculinity and the miniseries, I recommend the social psychologist Brendan Kwiatkowski’s blog post about the show at remasculine.com/blog.)

Next, the investigative gaze shifts to the internet and social media. Jamie’s mother Manda laments to her husband that they weren’t able to protect Jamie despite the fact that he was under their roof. “He was in his room, wasn’t he?” she says. “We thought he was safe, didn’t we? What harm could he do in there?” She’s had no awareness of the harassment stalking her son from beyond their walls.

Unfortunately, in the current state of technology, parents have to find a way to gain that awareness. While in-person interactions begin and end by entering or exiting a door, virtual relationships aren’t constrained by time and place. Users can participate in many interactions simultaneously, be in multiple spaces simultaneously, or engage asynchronistically. When children are in their rooms, parents should never assume that they’re alone if they have a device that’s connected to the internet.

Now, current guidance suggests that parents should restrict young teens’ screen use overall and especially restrict their access to social media until ages 15 or 16. Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, in his book, The Anxious Generation, makes a strong developmental case for postponing kids’ access to social media as long as possible. Instead, kids can have “dumb phones” that allow only texting, calling, and emailing. Adolescent expert Lisa Damour recommends that when access is finally allowed, parents should scaffold their kids’ use by systematically educating and supervising them. “Dance like no one’s watching,” she says, “but email like you’ll be subpoenaed.” Everything that transpires online will eventually be available to a potential employer, she adds.

Until media and technology decide to be supportive of young people’s development, it falls to parents to buffer their children from those harmful forces.

What does the show miss?

Completely absent from consideration in Adolescence is the role of the school. How has such intense bullying gone unnoticed by an adult with the power—and responsibility—to intervene? The show depicts eruptions of bullying on school grounds, and several teachers are aware of brewing trouble, yet none of them does a thing.

In 2023, about one in five young people 12-18 years old reported being bullied. Given teens’ social vulnerability, it’s no surprise that, in the absence of an intentionally positive context, bullying peaks in middle school: 25% of middle schoolers report being bullied, compared to 15% of high school students. Bullying is harmful for everyone involved—the bully, the target, the witnesses, and the school as a whole. Both the children who bully and those who are bullied have an increased risk of mental health problems that can follow them into adulthood and undermine their functioning, including an elevated risk of violence for both parties that can persist into adulthood. So while adolescence alone does not raise a risk for violence, being bullied does. The U.S. Secret Service determined that the majority of school shooters had been bullied. Depending on the severity, bullying can be considered a form of abuse, trauma, and/or an adverse childhood experience.

Parents worry about bullying and their teens’ mental health. So it’s important for them to know that schools have a legal and ethical responsibility to keep all students safe, including safe from bullying. In the U.S., every state has legislation that prohibits bullying and requires schools to establish policies to prevent it. Though there is some variation by state, most schools are accountable even if the bullying happens off campus or on social media, and certainly if it spills over into school time. The United Kingdom, where the show is set, has a similar network of laws and policies.

What actually works in schools? Research shows that most “anti-bullying” programs that rely simply on raising awareness and enforcing consequences don’t work. What does work is when schools create a positive school climate and teach emotion and relationship skills—this leads to lower rates of bullying and violence overall. Students and adults alike report warmer and closer connections, and the students have higher achievement scores. Positive relationships with teachers are protective against peer victimization. When a school community is emotionally skilled, teachers can often quickly sense when someone is hurting, and they compassionately and effectively follow up. And teens, for their part, have more language and strategies for their feelings and conflicts.

Recommendations:

Both human rights organizations and developmental science recognize that young people are a vulnerable population in need of special protections simply because of how development works. But this social contract between families and the wider world appears to be broken. Numerous studies rank the U.S. lowest among developed nations in helping parents to support children. On almost any policy dimension, other countries do better on issues like affordable childcare, work-family policies, income parity, health, technology, or education. Recently, I attended an international summit evaluating social media and happened to be seated next to a European colleague. When I grumbled, “Why can’t tech companies police themselves in the interest of children?” he responded. “In Europe, we regulate problems. You Americans have to educate your way out of problems.”

Still, voices are rising in favor of regulations. Social psychologist Haidt calls for stringent restrictions on technology. Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is outspoken about the risks of social media, comparing “Big Tech” to “Big Tobacco” for the way companies obscure their own evidence for harm while maximizing kids’ engagement at the expense of their health and wellbeing. He calls for Congress to require warning labels on social media platforms, similar to warnings on tobacco. As a developmental psychologist, I would like to see developmental impact evaluations (much like environmental impact reports) from companies making products that touch aspects of children’s lives, directly or indirectly.

What can schools do?

Many schools are considering screening Adolescence for their students and/or parents. As I’m sure is obvious from everything I’ve just expressed, I strongly recommend against that—for multiple reasons. The show is a work of fiction that, while offering some important insight into adolescence in 2025, creates an extreme and unlikely case. Again, it is designed to provoke, and should not be viewed as a documentary nor presented as an education.

Schools should not raise parents’ fear and alarm more than they can mitigate them, and they certainly should not endorse the show’s view that there are no answers—especially if they are eschewing their own accountability. They should not perpetuate a wrong stereotype of teenagers as inherently volatile rather than accurately describing their incredible potential for good and how we can support it. In addition, many students could be traumatized by the show, especially the large number of students who already experience bullying as well as sensitive or empathic students who feel experiences more deeply. And finally, fear-based, “scared straight” tactics rarely work with teens. When they experience pressure coming from authority figures, their autonomy threat is activated, they feel manipulated, and the tactic often backfires, making teens more likely, not less, to act out.

What can concerned schools do instead?  

  • Review and recommit to preventing bullying with evidence-based approaches. The Cyberbullying Research Center is one of the best resources from which to draw clear-headed guidance and inspiration. The RULER Approach, with which I’m affiliated, reduces bullying by teaching skills of emotional intelligence.

  • Offer parent education talks and/or workshops on the school’s approach to preventing bullying as well as on accurate teen development, supporting teen friendships, and dealing with social media.

  • Develop a charter for how your school and each classroom will foster the values and the actions that promote kindness, safety, and calm and connected relationships.

  • Cultivate—and measure—a positive school climate. Regularly collect data on how safe students feel.

  • Fully embed an emotion skills education into the curriculum. Teach skills directly, but even more importantly, model them every day throughout school life. 

What can parents do?

I’ve written and spoken extensively about how parents and schools can prevent bullying. Recent research, however, has added some new insights. Studies show that a good relationship between parents and children beginning early in development helps to prevent trouble later on. When kids feel they can really communicate with their parents, it’s protective. Peer victimization is less likely to occur in the first place, and if it does happen, the harmful effects on the child are less intense.³ In general, in middle school, kids tend to talk less with their parents than they did when they were younger, and it’s hard to suddenly develop good communication once victimization begins. So maintaining a good relationship with trust, respect, and open communication all along helps to keep kids in a safe lane.

In addition, the following are helpful:

  • Normalize healthy conversations about relationships, e.g., how kids feel when they’re in a good relationship versus how they feel when it’s not good, and how to problem-solve interpersonal difficulties. Share some of your own relationship solutions (in age-appropriate ways). Verbalize values around relationships. Discuss relationship dimensions that appear in books, the news, or their surrounding world.

  • Studies show that conversations that are open, warm, somewhat structured, and—importantly—respect teens’ growing autonomy, foster resilience even amid difficulty. Conversations that allow for teens’ feelings, that encourage teens’ own problem-solving and self-reflection, and that are not controlling or directive are especially helpful.⁴

  • If bullying continues, communicate with the relevant educators, and go up the administrative chain as necessary until the problem is resolved.

  • Document interactions with the school through follow-up emails, constructively and kindly confirming what was discussed and agreed upon.

  • If cyberbullying occurs, take screenshots, and report activity to the platform. (Find more guidance at cyberbullying.org.)

We live in a network of embedded systems, and parents can’t possibly make up for the failures of society to protect their kids. All kids are sensitive, and young teens are especially vulnerable to the toxicity all too readily accessible on the internet/social media, as well as to the bullying that goes unchecked there. We didn’t need a show like Adolescence, but perhaps we can use it wisely to deepen our commitment to supporting teens—and all our children.


  1. In 2021, about 123,000 serious violent crimes were committed by youths aged 12-17 years old. There are roughly 25 million in this age group, so that works out to about 0.5%. https://www.statista.com/statistics/477466/number-of-serious-violent-crimes-by-youth-in-the-us/

  2. A note about Katie’s point of view: We never get it, and that’s part of the point of the show. This is a series that intentionally interrogates the experience and motivations of the perpetrator and not the victim.

  3. Slade, S. G. (May, 2025). Peer victimization, self-blame, and rumination during middle childhood: The protective role of parent-child communication. Presented to The Society for Research in Child Development, Minneapolis, MN.

  4. Kim, S.G. (May, 2025). Peer victimization and youth internalizing symptoms: The role of observed maternal behaviors. Presented to The Society for Research in Child Development, Minneapolis, MN.

 

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Our Teens Are More Stressed Than Ever: Why, and What Can You Do About It?

Every time a new disheartening statistic is released on teen mental health, I cringe. For the past seven years there’s been a downward trend in the state of their emotional well-being, and I’m waiting—hoping—for an upswing.

The American Psychological Association (APA) periodically surveys for stress in the American public, and since 2013, teens have reported higher levels of stress than adults. In the 2018 APA survey, teens reported worse mental health and higher levels of anxiety and depression than all other age groups.

These finding are consistent with other surveys, and I have yet to see data that counters that trend. A 2019 analysis by Jean Twenge, author of iGen and psychology professor at San Diego State University, showed that between 2005 and 2017, teens and young adults experienced a significant rise in serious psychological distress, major depression, and suicide. And a 2018 American College Health Association survey of more than 26,000 college students found that approximately 40-60% reported significant episodes of anxiety or depression during the year—an increase of about 10% from the same survey conducted in 2013.

 Why is there a steady increase in teen distress, when the period of adolescence (as developmental scientists have discovered) is not inherently characterized by “storm and stress?” Adolescence is a period of transformation, not mental illness. So what’s the problem—and what can we do about it?

The popular bogeyman

The most popular focus of blame for teen stress is social media. Is there a connection? On the one hand, it’s certainly obvious that teens (just like the rest of us) spend hours every day staring at screens. And, adolescents are especially sensitive to the social comparisons that result from seeing carefully curated, idealized bodies and lifestyles online. At a panel[i] I recently attended in Berkeley, CA, one eighteen-year-old woman said that she regretted losing so much time in her childhood to wishing that her body looked different. She had come to the conclusion that Instagram and Snapchat “encourage us to live from the outside in, instead of from the inside out.”

In the APA survey on teen stress, one third to one half of teen respondents reported that social media made them feel judged or bad about themselves. In her book iGen, Twenge analyzed large survey data sets and found a correlation between the rise of the smart phone in 2012 and the rise of mental health problems among teens. Her further analyses uncovered similar correlations, explicitly linking more time on new media with more mental health problems for teens in grades 8-12. Conversely, more time spent in in-person interactions (along with sports, homework, religious activity, or print media) correlated with fewer mental health problems.

So, yes, there’s some evidence to support that social media may harm kids. But the situation is complicated. Science and culture zig and zag while scientists test and correct each other’s conclusions, and the correlations between screen use and mental illness have been roundly criticized. One social scientist tweeted that data also shows that “teen pregnancy, drug use, and delinquency all declined significantly with the rise of smartphone and social media use.” In other words, correlation is not causation. It simply means that two things just co-occurred.

 A prospective longitudinal study which assesses people over time, sorts out causality better. One such Canadian study surveyed nearly 1,700 teenagers at several points in time up to a six-year period. It showed that social media use did not lead to depression, either in girls or boys. However, the reverse was true: Depression in middle school girls (though not boys) at the beginning of the study predicted greater social media use two years later. In other words, heavy social media use may be a sign for concern, not because it causes distress in the first place, but because it may be a symptom pointing to underlying distress. And middle schoolers may be most at risk.

The longer social media is around, the better youth and families are becoming at managing it. The APA survey on teen stress showed that individual teens use social media in different ways, and it’s worth noting that 55% of teens consider it a source of social support. Parents and teens are also getting better at understanding how social media “hacks” the brain (how the reward algorithms are coded to be maximally addicting). This is especially true in a developing brain, when the reward circuitry and dopamine architecture that “lock in” responses to pleasure are remodeled. As a result, many parents are limiting teen social media use, and numerous guidelines[ii] for wise strategies are now available. Social media “hygiene” is something we should all practice.

 Are teens the canaries in the coal mine?

Teens take in more of the outside world than children do. Neurological changes occur in puberty that draw their attention outward, beyond the family, and their cognition allows them to ponder big issues in more abstract and sophisticated ways. Because they take in more and more of the outside world, what teens absorb is increasingly stressful. And high schools reinforce that expanding view with curricula on current social events. Yet teenagers have no prior experience and few strategies for dealing with this new level of exposure.

More than two thirds of adults and teens surveyed by the APA said that the future of the country caused them significant stress and that the U.S. is on the “wrong path.” Teens had additional concerns: 75% of them were stressed about gun violence, mass shootings, and school shootings. This is not surprising given that 288 shootings have occurred in the U.S. since 2009, 57 times the rate of all other developed nations combined. More teens than adults feel stressed by societal issues like rising suicide rates, climate change, immigration separation and deportation issues, and sexual harassment and assault. More teens than adults worry about work, money, and health alongside more age-relevant issues like bullying, peer conflict, gender identity, and sexual orientation.

Stress and adolescence can make for a perfect storm. Until recently, scientists believed that an individual’s baseline for stress reactivity was more or less set in the first two years of life. However, new research suggests that puberty might open that window of sensitivity again for a second chance at recalibrating the stress system—for better or for worse depending on the context: If the environment is supportive in adolescence, this second opportunity might smooth out earlier problems and improve coping in the long run. However, if the context is harsh and stressful without relief or repair, the stress system can remodel for vulnerability and set the stage for later mental and physical health disease systems.

Policymakers should be worried about rising teen stress, not only for the sake of teens’ psychological health (which should be enough cause), but for the health of the country. Teen stress might be an important warning that the nation is off-course. As influential developmental scientist Urie Bronfenbrenner said, “There is no more critical indicator of the future of a society than the character, competence, and integrity of its youth.”[iii] Put more bluntly: If we squander our human capital now, we can’t expect a robust society in the future.

Much of the responsibility for decreasing the stressors listed above is in the hands of policymakers—and ultimately in our hands as voters and citizens. But political and social change take time, and teens and parents are still left to cope. So what might be helpful?

  • First, remember that every teen is different. Some may find relief, empowerment, and community by actively engaging in planning and organizing around social, political, and environmental issues. Other teens may need to modulate or decrease their exposure to stressful news for self-protection.

Photo by Andrew Lichtenstein:Corbis via Getty Images

Photo by Andrew Lichtenstein:Corbis via Getty Images

  • Teens benefit from, and want, relationships in which their understanding of the world and their place in it can be co-constructed in a healthy way. A mentoring relationship or facilitated group can help teens process their growing awareness with like-minded people while balancing it with a focus on healthy development. In such a setting, the skills for mastery and sense of control can gradually emerge at a developmentally appropriate pace that teens can manage.

photo credit: E. Frost

photo credit: E. Frost

  • Parents might be mindful of buffering their own stress from their teens. True, the parental brain has evolved to scan the environment for threats. But if parents pass on their stress, children can become overly stress-reactive, vigilant, and stress-sensitive. On the other hand, passing on constructive coping strategies is helpful.

  • Building emotional intelligence skills is always important, too. Every teen will benefit from a) the ability to be aware of their feelings and b) having strategies for regulation. As one woman on the Berkeley teen panel said about meditation, “It’s real. You should try it.”

  • And finally, a warm family climate and what I like to call a “competing joy” is always a good antidote to stress.

 Resurrecting an old theory: Healthy identity development

A third possibility is that society has forgotten about an important developmental task of adolescence.

In the 1960s, while the Baby Boomer generation was famously transforming society, the lifespan psychoanalyst Erik Erikson wrote his groundbreaking work, Identity, Youth, and Crisis, about identity in adolescence.[iv]

Identity is how you walk in the world. It’s a sense of knowing who you are, what you believe, where you fit, and where you’re going. It includes being at home in your body, having personal agency, and feeling a sameness through time, all of which contribute to a general sense of well-being. According to Erikson, and the major developmental scientists who followed, finding a healthy identity is the central task of adolescence.

It takes time. Young children identify with their parents: they imitate them and believe that they’ll grow up to be like them. But with the onset of puberty, neurological and social forces propel teens to differentiate from their parents. (Differentiation is not a rejection of parents, but a reconfiguration of the relationship in order to accommodate a teen’s growing autonomy and independence of thought and action. It’s a necessary process that teens need to go through to become functioning, autonomous adults.)

But teens struggle with their identity and with the core question that adolescence invites them to answer: If I’m not my parent, who am I?

There are multiple paths by which teens find their identities. Whichever they take, Erikson believed that the establishment of a coherent sense of identity requires a period of moratorium—a timeout during which a teen is clearly not a child but the adult path has not been determined. It’s a time to discover and experiment with different roles, paths, ideas, and activities. When a teen quickly changes points of view, jobs, friend groups, pop culture preferences, hair color, and more, this process is likely at work.

The psychologist Jeffrey Arnett, who named the later period of emerging adulthood, said that the central themes to be settled in establishing a healthy identity are worldview, work, and love. The psychologist James Coté believes that identity rests on two things: first, the feeling of having matured into adulthood, and second, finding a permanent niche in community and lifestyle. But exploration can occur across many domains, including politics, religion, societal issues, relationships, recreation, appearance, competence, occupation, morality, ethnicity, sexuality, and intimacy.  The process can last a decade or more—usually only one or two areas can be tackled at a time—but it culminates in commitments to those dimensions, a greater sense of purpose, a coherent system of values, and long-term plans. Identity formation—or coming of age—is a central theme of many classic and best-selling novels including The Catcher in the Rye, The Fault in Our Stars, The House on Mango Street, and Jane Eyre.

An authentic identity exploration is hard, intellectually and emotionally taxing. Uncertainty can be uncomfortable, and progress is not linear or orderly. There are anxious periods of not knowing where to fit. Dead ends are common. And progress feels unstable, sometimes sliding back after taking a step forward. It can be difficult for parents to stay supportive as their teens bang around in the mess of options. But identity exploration is most successful when it’s encouraged and accepted by an adult, where the teen feels seen, where their feelings and perceptions can be accurately mirrored back to them, and where they can borrow the confidence, optimism, insight—and sometimes limits—from a loving adult.

According to Erikson, teens should grow into an adult identity, not be forced into one prematurely. But not everyone has that privilege. Some teens are restricted by life circumstances, a lack of options, and/or economic necessity. Others are restricted by self-imposed constraints, or limits others place on them. Erikson said these forced choices do not necessarily lead to a failure of identity: young adults can still organize meaning and purpose out of the circumstance, while still exploring other areas. But he did believe that the lost potential was “regrettable.” Without an authentic search, a teen might not get the chance to discover their true capabilities.

When teens don’t get a chance to explore the central questions of their lives, there can be several problematic outcomes:

  • A foreclosed identity results from a premature commitment to a path without sufficient exploration or experimentation. This could be the child whose “tiger” mother decided for her in fourth grade that she would be a dancer; the son whose parents forced myriad activities on him in order to build a college resume; or, conversely the child who grew up without any mentor, guide, or exposure to opportunities.

For youth who lack a wide range of opportunities, middle and high schools can offer much-needed exploration and experimentation. In her book, When Grit Isn’t Enough, Linda Nathan argues that career exploration and support should be systematically incorporated into educational curricula from middle school through graduation and across the transition to college.

In their book, Talented Teenagers: The Roots of Success and Failure, authors Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Kevin Rathunde, and Samuel Whalen identify the qualities that sustain the development of talent across teen years. Along with a modicum of talent and wholistic support, free time was an important variable. Teens who were distracted with too many life hassles, family conflicts, excessive out-of-school employment, or over-scheduling, did not have the unencumbered time and space that was necessary to just “mess around” in the subject area, to dream, practice, and experiment. Exploring what you’re good at and what you enjoy takes sheer time.

Today, in the drive to raise their selectivity ratings and drive a vast lucrative network of feeder businesses, the college industrial complex colludes to torque teens’ developmental trajectory. Teens (and their parents) often sense a pressure to be a certain kind of idealized applicant, and they’re tempted to shape their high school experiences to fit someone else’s idea of who they ought to be in order to be accepted into college.

Psychologist Robert Sternberg is a forceful critic of college admissions practices. He argues that college acceptance criteria are not correlated with either college achievement or life success. Instead, the types of competencies that predict actual success are: 1) creativity and the ability to see things differently or defy a current trend; 2) wisdom and the application of knowledge and skills for the common good; and 3) practical intelligence and the ability to cope with a situation that’s not explicitly taught, along with more conventional and domain-specific kinds of intelligences.

  • A diffused identity is one that is never quite settled, in which exploration and experimentation never seem to end. The identity feels incoherent and disjointed, and the individual seems confused about, or just unaware of, who they really are. They’re often more neurotic, have difficulty making decisions, and suffer extreme self-consciousness.

  • A negative identity is an undesirable one, chosen in opposition to, or defiance of, surrounding pressure. This might be the “bad boy/girl,” the extremist, and the anything-my-father-isn’t person. Erikson observed that a negative identity often arises from a lack of recognition or acceptance from the important person in the teen’s life. In those cases, being somebody “bad” feels better than being nobody at all.

Based on J. Marcia (1980). Identity in adolescence. In J. Adelson (Ed.), Handbook of adolescent psychology. New York: Wiley.

Based on J. Marcia (1980). Identity in adolescence. In J. Adelson (Ed.), Handbook of adolescent psychology. New York: Wiley.

What else is protective against stress?

  • Some stress is good.

Some parents might overcorrect and try to protect their children from any stress at all. Scientists worry about this kind of experience, too! Parents who “snowplow” or “lawn-mow” away their children’s obstacles do them no favors, in fact, they may be undermining their children’s development. Stress in the right amount promotes neural growth, enhances task performance, and can be a motivation to stretch, reach, and strive.

When young people have a chance to master a new challenge, it can contribute to their resilience, i.e., their ability to withstand and recover from future stresses. Their challenges should be reasonably within their developmental competence; not overwhelming; and “scaffolded” if necessary, where they’re coached through the components. After the challenge has passed, rest and repair also help.

photo credit E. Frost

photo credit E. Frost

  • Mind the basics—sleep, exercise, nutrition.

Teens need more sleep than adults, and they need it later on the clock. A recent survey found that teens are shortchanged by an average of two hours of sleep per night, which adds up to a devastating deficit. Sleep is critical to all areas of functioning. It’s necessary for cognition and consolidating memories, especially in the adolescent period of rapid brain growth. When schools adopt later start times to accommodate teens’ unique sleep needs, the benefits are vast—better mood regulation; improved academic performance; and fewer incidents of conflicts, aggression, bullying, and accidents. Teens, like everyone, should follow good sleep hygiene, including screen-time management. Healthy nutrition and regular aerobic exercise also help keep an even keel.

Authoritative parenting balances warmth and love with clear expectations and the support to meet those expectations. It’s flexible, respectful, and allows a teen’s growing autonomy. Of all parenting styles, authoritative parenting is the most predictive of positive outcomes for children and teens.

Other family qualities that help keep teens on track include a positive climate that creates a background sense of well-being, joyful ways of staying connected, and regular routines and rituals. In other words, a thriving family life is nourishing, provides a buffer, and supports resilience. Parents’ own development matters, too; how parents manage their own stress is extremely influential for teens. The template of family life gets imprinted on a teen and stays with them for a very long time.

Photo credits: D. Divecha, Unknown, D. Divecha, S. Burkhart, M. Divecha, R. Archibald

  • Keep growing the skills of emotional intelligence.

In the APA study of stress, three-quarters of the teens surveyed said they wanted more emotional support. One powerful strategy is to teach them to recognize feelings when they’re happening and help generate constructive strategies (not avoidance and distraction) to regulate them. The more families can name and normalize emotions and emotional competence, the more successfully teens develop.

  • Save time for friends and relationships.

Good relationships are essential to mental health and well-being. The presence of a caring person can buffer the cortisol response. In the presence of a friend, challenges feel easier to navigate. Unfortunately, teen boys are at risk for giving up their good friends, which can lead to sadness and grief, in addition to an absence of support.

Whatever the cause of adolescent stress, it falls to parents, educators, and mentors to help teens move through it. Developmental science, practical sense, and even traditional wisdom can all help.

When my own daughter (whose father is Indian-American) became a teenager, we marked the new road ahead with a Hindu coming-of-age ceremony. Sitting in the circle of our community and facing my daughter, the pundit reminded her of two things: first, to stay connected to her family, and second, to develop her powers of discernment.

Discernment, the pundit said, is the ability to parse what is true and right from what is not, and it’s one of the most important intellectual qualities. It requires recognizing the difference between what matters to you and what is coming toward you from the world. From that space, wisdom springs.

I’ve enjoyed watching my daughter develop discernment—and use it—as she has formed her identity, choosing a partner, a career, and a new city to live and thrive in. As other parents of grown children can attest, when our teenagers explore their way into the world and land comfortably in a solid identity, it’s a joy for everyone. Nowadays, though, they may just need some extra care doing that.


Copyright 2019 Diana Divecha

[i] Teen Wisdom Panel, April 26, 2019, David Brower Center, Berkeley, CA.

 [ii] Common Sense Media; Cyberbullying Research Center

 [iii] Bronfenbrenner, U. (1996). The State of Americans: This Generation and the Next. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, p. 1.

 







 

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A Developmental Approach to Guiding Young Teens' Technology Use

Scientists are finding that during early adolescence, around ages 12-15, the brain undergoes one of the greatest remodeling projects of any other point in the lifespan. The purpose is to prepare teens for adulthood—to stand on their own, to make decisions, to secure resources, reproduce, form partnerships, and create community. And brain restructuring isn’t the only alteration.They experience changes in all spheres: neurological, cognitive, social, psychological, and physical. Meanwhile, technology is evolving at warp speed. A biological generation is 20-30 years, but scientists estimate that a “technological generation” is only seven years. According to Moore’s law, it could be even faster: The pace of technological change may actually be doubling every two years.

How does this rapid rate of technological innovation intersect with the tectonic changes of early adolescence—and how should you respond as a parent?

1. Inform yourself about technology.

It’s helpful to stay current with technology issues that can affect your teens, both for your own reality-testing and to help “scaffold” kids’ technology use. It’s helpful if parents can sort out fact from fiction about teens’ Internet use: to stand calm in the face of media-generated “moral panics”; to learn how teens are really using social media; and to understand the battle over our teens’ attention, intention, and self-direction.

For a thorough, research-based, and balanced consciousness-raising about technology, check out Howard Rheingold’s book Net Smart: How to Thrive Online. Rheingold’s book is filled with specific and helpful insights. For example: “There is nothing more important than for kids to learn how to identify fake communication.” Websites can be “cloaked” (sponsored in hidden ways by agenda-driven organizations whose involvement is not obvious, for example the Ku Klux Klan hosting a website on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr). Kids need to be detectives, he says, and use multiple strategies to triple-check the authority of sources. Many young people don’t understand how online content is actually generated—for example, that their Google searches are biased by algorithms generated by their previous searches, or that  editing discussions on Wikipedia can be useful to discover controversial themes about a topic.

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How Can Parents Help Prevent Bullying in Middle School?

Bullying Prevention Awareness Month is over, and unfortunately it had a horrific run of high-profile tragedies: two teacher fatalities at the hands of students, several bullying-related suicides and attempted suicides, two Florida bullies charged with felonies, and a 14-year-old shooter charged as an adult. Once again, we’re left to face the grim reality that bullying is alive and well in our culture.

But there’s something that all of these cases had in common—and that the news media didn’t notice. All of the kids involved in these events were 12-14 years old.

No surprise, from a developmental perspective. The onset of puberty remodels the developing brain—both for humans and for many animal species—in a way that makes young adolescents especially sensitive to their social world. The reason for this can be understood through an evolutionary lens: Reproduction requires social skills—mating, parenting, fitting in to the social niche, coordinating to secure resources, taking care of the community, etc. So it would make sense that while bodies are being reshaped to produce offspring, brains would also simultaneously change to make us more socially receptive and active at that time.

How does puberty make teens more susceptible to bullying?

Recent research on the teen brain shows that adolescents, compared to both children and adults, are exceptionally sensitive to social dynamics. In brain-imaging studies, teen brains show more activation in regions that process rewards, motivations and emotions (the socioaffective circuitry in the subcortical, limbic regions) compared to children and adults. As a result, teens can feel more intensely, especially about social interactions. They more easily feel judged, threatened, and evaluated by others.

 

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